Family: The Things Evan Says

With Evan turning 5 tomorrow and registering him earlier this week to start Kindergarten in the Fall,  I have been reflecting on how happy the past 5 years have been.  I realized that Evan has created his own language, loosely based on English, and we have adapted to his words and phrases because they are so much funnier than the standard words and phrases.  Not to mention his creative stories.  I would estimate that 70% of what comes out of his mouth is untrue, but is about 99% entertaining.

Here are some examples (this is by no means an exhaustive list–just what I can think of right now.):

  • Bezzert=Dessert (We all say this now)
  • Engine Turtles=Ninja Turtles
  • “First A Ball….” = First of All
  • Fags=Flags (He says it correctly now-thank goodness.  This mispronunciation caused us to roll up the car windows hurriedly during the 4th of July in Gulf Shores AL as he was so excited to see so many American fags on the side of the road-that he began shouting and pointing)
  • Whore=Horse (Again, glad he learned to say this one correctly–this was one of his first words)
  • Da-Da-Was his first word–on Father’s Day no less.  6/2013
  • Peanuts=Penis
  • Meatballs=Exactly what you think it means….He recently found them and came out of the bath tub holding them asking me “What is this meatball for??” (3/2017)
  • “Speaking of which….” (and then he goes on to tell a completely unrelated story)
  • “Actually…” The only reason this is funny is because he was using this word at 2!
  • Cha chas=Ta-tas
  • Poopie=Wendy/TD
  • Little Poopie=Helena (She got this nickname by association only since she’s Wendy’s daughter.)
  • Hooker=The tow on the tow truck.  “Tow-Mater got his hooker to help the man out of the ditch.”
  • Winnie the Poop and of course, Tigger The Poop.
  • Uncle Dog=Uncle Doug
  • Grandma Dog=Uncle Doug’s Mom
  • “Drive Faster, the PO PO is coming!!!” (Courtesy of Uncle Dog-who should have taken his own advice).

(…While my ADD brain is thinking of firsts, Evan’s First Steps were in his bedroom, Eric and I were sitting on the floor with him, it was after work one evening and we were playing.  Evan was only 9 months (1/2013?).  He stood up kind of shaky and wanted to walk from me to daddy.  We were about 3′ apart.  I looked at Eric and said “I think he’s going to do it…”  And he did!  3 steps before falling and he made it to Daddy.  Goal. Achieved.  We always joke that Evan skipped crawling and went straight to running.)

Stories: Casey, LJJ and Jeff

Some of my favorite stories are about his Godparents and LaJayJay (friend of Godparents and in no way ever having custody).  After learning of Casey and Jeff’s Godparents status LJJ asked me “Where am I on the list?”  I said “Right behind DCF Here is a Summary:

  • Casey loves Jeff because he goes to the store to get money.
  • LJJ has been in Timeout via Casey b/c LJJ acts bad when they leave the house.
  • Just recently LJJ got upgraded to Jail and once again Casey was at fault.
  • Who do you like better Evan? _____ or Casey? It will ALWAYS be Casey FOREVER.  His answer has been consistent since he could talk!  One time I took a HUGE risk and was legitimately nervous when I asked him who he loves more Mommy or Casey?  I won, but just barely. LOL……

Much More to Come…..This is just the start.  As I remember more I will add to this post.


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